Choosing an egg donor is a very personal and complex decision. There’s no right or wrong way to go about it; this is an individual journey, and each recipient or couple must make the best possible choice for their unique family. You probably have certain physical, intellectual, and emotional preferences in mind. If you feel strongly about a particular aspect of the process or if you have questions, don’t hesitate to speak with your doctor or donor coordinator. Remember that choosing a donor is one of the times in the process when you have complete control, so embrace it and make it a positive experience. This is a weighty decision you will live with for the rest of your days – you are choosing your future child’s DNA.
When choosing a donor, keep the following in mind:
- The “perfect” donor doesn’t exist. You and your partner are unique, and you possess many qualities and idiosyncrasies that are yours alone. You should be able to find a donor who matches most of your criteria but don’t expect to be able to find one who is a 100% match.
- One way that many couples make this choice is to find a donor who looks like one of them, sharing similar characteristics. People occasionally make insensitive comments; think about what will make your child stand out: such as being the tall one in a family of short people, or the redhead among blond siblings.
- Even if your future child isn’t your mirror image, he or she will still take on many of your characteristics.
- Your choice of donor is a chance to play to your strengths and weaknesses. For instance, if you are very athletic, you may want to choose a donor who enjoys sports. Or, maybe you aren’t musically inclined and always wished you were; this is an opportunity to give your child a musical genetic edge.
- To offset any problematic genetic history (if your partner is providing the sperm), review the donor’s medical history carefully. For example, if there is a predisposition to skin cancer in your spouse’s family, you may want to choose a donor in whose family it does not appear.
These are just a few of the considerations you may want to keep in mind as you go about selecting your egg donor. Choosing your donor is one of many beautiful steps on the path to parenthood.