When a couple conceives a child without medical intervention, they never face the question of whether, or how, to tell their family and friends anything about how their babies came to be. It is assumed that the child has a genetic link to their parents. However, people who conceive via egg donation often wonder whom they should tell and what to say during those conversations.
The most important consideration is whether to tell your child they were conceived via egg donation. Most experts agree that it’s best for a child to be informed about their origins, and egg donation should be presented as a positive thing. For starters, those born via egg donation were always very much wanted. Their parents have fought through many barriers to have them, and as a result, they are a cherished and loved part of the family. This supportive and close-knit environment means that they have an excellent chance of growing up physically and psychologically healthy.
The best course of action is to be open and honest from the beginning. Deliver the information in a “normal” and positive way, making it clear that your child is especially loved and that you worked hard so they could join the family. You can add more age-appropriate information as your child grows, and there are also books that can help you explain the process.
Whether to tell other family members and friends is another matter and one that’s not quite as easy to answer. Having a good support system in place is incredibly beneficial, so telling a few trusted friends or family members may be a good idea. There’s often no need to mention your decision to casual acquaintances if you don’t want to, but when it comes to your family and your circle of friends, think about how supportive they can be through your child’s life. Be prepared for a broad range of responses from the people that you choose to tell, and feel prepared with simple answers for the personal questions you are likely to encounter.
The people you trust the most can be an invaluable source of stability and support throughout the egg donation process as well. People are being exposed to more about the world of fertility treatments all the time. When you choose people you trust to share your story with, whether they’re immediate family members or close friends, chances are you will be glad you did!